decide their own destiny author of this article is Joanna Mazur-Okalowe
Assumption of responsibility for one's own life seems to many an impossible task. Why would I need to do and how to go about it - this is the article.
Deciding their fate has always been one of the most important philosophical problems in human history. Since the dawn of history, he struggled between the two main options: fatalistic, which stated that man is unable to do anything to change his destiny, and option of free will, according to which only he is the architect of his own destiny. Due to some kind of laziness lying in our nature, resulting probably from the aversion to responsibility, often incline to fatalistic option, because it allows us to sit back and wait for a miracle, which never or very rarely comes, and we thus masks themselves in front of his fear of action and a sense of incompetence and inadequacy. We sit and wonder why such a fate we are experiencing, rather than take action. Such an attitude is simple and requires no effort. Second
option, the option to 'smith of his own destiny' is a whole lot harder. It requires, in fact, accept total responsibility for their actions. We make less informed decisions, or we accept the consequences of their actions. It depends on us whether something succeeds or not. It depends on us, what kind of man we become. Everything - our careers, our family life, hobbies, health. Our life is seen as a resultant of our thoughts and decisions. Scary ... It seems that such a system imposes on us the need niepopełniania errors. This has forced the infallibility of pressure on us not to bear. Is it really so to be, and inevitably we have to break down in the impossible quest for perfection?
POWER FAULT
pressure is completely unnecessary. We need not be infallible. Nobody, absolutely nobody of us is not required. Of course, besides ourselves. We think that if our life, its quality, our happiness (whatever it means) depends on us, that's not allowed to make mistakes and squandered it all.
Is it really?
We will look at the basic problem, which is facing a lot of people. What is happiness?
We will say that it is an individual matter for each mean something else. Are we able to immediately determine precisely what will bring the highest quality of life, everlasting happiness? Most do not have the foggiest idea. What else we think on the basis of some nebulous vision przekłamanych and clumsy celebrities jawiących themselves as true owners of the key to a successful existence. What else again, we inflicted on our minds, our parents, then partners, life partners, siblings, even close friends. They have a recipe for us in the future. The most interesting thing is that most want to work for us better than ourselves. Based on personal knowledge acquired through experience about what worked for them and what does not. You can rozleniwić and stop at that, and blame others for problems. Why is it inevitable? Because our conclusions are based closest to their experience of being the result of their unique set of personality traits, talents and beliefs. Very easy to miss. We often forget that what to us is easy and obvious for someone else may be the summit is not to win, at least at first glance.
Therefore, we decide to choose their own paths and find out for yourself, which will be beneficial to us personally. We can, of course, use the suggestions of others, but in order to have the opportunity to validate their own aspirations, qualities and talents. But if someone thinks that everything goes smoothly, we will proceed prudently, cautiously, it's all pretty painless and will make up a perfect whole, it coarsely wrong. On this path we will make mistakes. They are inevitable. But perhaps the biggest failure is niepodążanie this very road.
Personally, I am a big fan of bugs. Nobody ever learned so much not the most spectacular success, the ordinary, certainly not a spectacular failure. The overwhelming majority of us are terrified of them. For all the ways we try to avoid them. The most common and most effective appears to be taking no action (one hundred percent effective, right?, As I will not, it certainly will not make a mistake.) But you can not survive the entire life doing absolutely nothing. In the end circumstances force us to take action, and it may end in defeat.
Is it worth doing if you feel bad that we've done anything at all? Certainly not. Every action brings invaluable knowledge, and mistakes are her even mine. Provided that we do not undermine the legitimacy of action. We did it, the fact that it is good - an approach to the problem opens the gates of wisdom.
remember that the perspective of time to verify many of the issues, especially whether it's really what we thought at first sight of failure, it actually was. We have, in fact, a lot of experience at the moment seem to be a mistake, and after some time we might even be grateful to fate that happened to us. May become, for example, a necessary step to realize his dream.
Errors are fabulous teachers, provided that we open ourselves to learn from them. Often it is not easy, especially if the failure is associated with strong negative emotions. There is resentment against himself, scolding, even try to punish the thoughtlessness, which led us into a given situation. Most severe in this respect are errors associated with interpersonal relations and trust betrayed.
Let's be gracious to each other and understanding. Sometimes it is not easy, especially if our immediate environment is not so, indeed, did not even have a habit of being gracious and understanding for myself. The basis of success is our internal dialogue, which together run when something we did not succeed. Observe what you say to yourself. Karcisz up? Maybe even he challenges himself from the fools and idiots? Tell yourself: stop! Not the way to go.
First, think about what was happening? What did you do? What was the purpose? What was the expected result? What was the actual result? What have you done? What went wrong? Did you this influence? If necessary, a written reply. Consider the impact of what you had, and what impact you had. Then just look at it, what did you think of the impact and what should be done better. Promise yourself that next time I shall do so. Promise to myself and Decide that keep your word to myself, because from the moment you are the person for himself so important that you deserve to keep your word.
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Dealing with such situations at the beginning may not be the easiest, but once you get to practice, failure will prove to be one of our greatest allies and vital source of our incredible strength. The furthest they can get those obłaskawią and learn to use their own mistakes.
Why are they not like? We have the absolute right, since all of our childhood, youth and adulthood are marked by pointing errors and discipline for them. It's part of education. In adult life, pointing out the failures becomes a simple way of gaining advantage over the other person and show their superiority. Many people in this way communicates, "I'm smarter than you, because I see your mistakes." It is unfortunate that no one can convince us of their usefulness.
real winner is the one who knows how to draw conclusions from them, who can go beyond the feeling of humiliation mistake and analyze what went wrong, where there have been the biggest stumbling. Knowledge acquired in this way is absolutely priceless, because it not only provides us with information about the course of the trial itself, but also to ourselves, our emotional self-control, our preferences in action. The more we know, the more we can improve. Then here comes to us is another question: can we fix our mistakes. Perhaps this can not be done in a given situation, but usually somewhere, sometime, in some strange way we get a second chance. Always worth using the magic formula: "Next time I will go better," especially if we already know what needs to be improved.
unions at the deep
can not change your life without risk. Surely this can not be done in a sustainable manner. Using half-measures and secure, completely stress-free solutions always sooner or later we will return to the starting point frustrated that just happened. No risk, no face that you be very afraid, cheating is just that we are making progress in life. In fact, only then trots in place, wondering why it's still the same place. Only when we breach face your greatest fears, we feel that our life going somewhere and that the direction we like.
I'm not trying here to convince dear readers, that this is easy. Such a case I consider putting an affront to intelligence, which we have yet in abundance. Oh, no. It is not easy. Easy to say, the determination, give a solution, but not easy. Because I like to do something, just thinking about what we're sick, we lack the breath, almost faints.
But it can be done, can not be afraid of what we are afraid. At the end of the world so many people who are not afraid and do it. Sometimes I even tend to be individuals who have such restrictions, it would seem that it should not do to think about the challenge. And not only that, they think it's still them out! If they can, then you do too. The first most important step is to believe that you can handle.
Another issue is how to go about overcoming your fear? One major obstacle in our way is the belief that you can not control emotions. In the first version I had to write a 'fact' instead of 'belief', but I changed my mind. The fact that, in fact, appears to be something final and immutable, and we want here is to be able to control our states. You think it's impossible? Let's find out.
Remember the last time przeżywałeś intense feelings. When was it? What were you thinking when you felt so?
Take the example: we are newly in love. The object of our affection reciprocates fortunately our infatuation, we are in 'seventh heaven'. Complete happiness. Remember those 'butterflies in my stomach' prism that occasion, the sudden heat shock on his face at the mere thought of his beloved / sweetheart?
Notice what comes up first, just before the wave of emotions. First up is THOUGHT. She calls the whole emotion. Thought leads to emotions, but to traverse this road takes a split second. Can we control our emotions? No. But we can control our thoughts. And this is a revolutionary statement! You can control it, what do you think that what we concentrate. Remember that thoughts cause emotions. Learn how to control them, and gain control over feelings. And it's not by denying them and as a result of their suppression. We all know that's not healthy.
Let's selection of thoughts, dismiss those who harm us, or lead to negative states. Let's see what thoughts they evoke feelings. This is the absolute foundation of knowledge about ourselves. In this way we can harness themselves and manage themselves so that we finally did what we should, as we know is right, and for some strange reasons, mentally-przekonaniowych terribly afraid to do.
AUTO-SABOTAGE
All it grow. It is insidious and cruel in their actions. Its worst feature is that it works in our spheres of the unconscious. Bombards our best-prepared actions, most precisely drawn plans. It makes the worst thing that can happen to us - makes you give up.
Auto-sabotage. About him just mentioned.
How does it work?
Suppose you want to achieve something, let's take some more business. We are full of enthusiasm.
Glad to finally find something that will surely make us happy. We take up for work and ... not going. Something falls to us. And it breaks your computer to us, and this family need to addressed. Finally, when you get the time for this moment to finally join the work, strangely enough, it turns out that we prefer to deal with something else, like watching television. Finally, after so many unexpected obstacles to us a little bit of rest - we think. Suddenly, the terms appear to be exceeded, the customer is upset and lose this job, which was to give as much satisfaction.
blame you knock on the broken computer and family problems. Only that client will be a little care. For him, the most important thing is to implement its order in the best possible form.
In fact, we ourselves are guilty. First, there developed a plan B in case of technical problems. There is always a threat takowymi, so you should be prepared. It is not about to produce a self-fulfilling prophecy, but rather to ensure the effective strategies. Ask yourself this question: "What will I do if ...?" Think a moment about this. Do not sacrifice too much this time. Oh, so that would be sufficient to decide the mode of action, but that did not allow wypełznięcie panic. Develop effective measures. Thanks ago at a critical time save time and nerves. Your emotions will be in much better shape, even if this moment does not occur. Awareness of having a remedy for the problem affects us, soothes and adds confidence. Additionally, it has in itself a magical element: if you know what to do in case of complications, thus you will be calm and that was'll focus (ie, thinking: will be fine, I know what to do), chances are that complications do not occur . Everything, in fact, has its source in the mind.
Secondly, the postponement of doing something is always a signal to the conflict, that occurs between our conscious and unconscious mind. In short, consciousness wants to, and ignorance is based. The key to the unconscious mind to understand why it is based, and reprogram it to eliminate resistance. How? Repeat for the opposite thesis reason to resist. We repeat it 'till you drop', in our case until the end of it, and thus we believe it will be absorbed by our subconscious. It is known that if the information in question will be repeated often enough and sufficiently long, in the end we believe it without reservation. And that's the point. The key to eliminate all self-sabotage habits lies in the conviction of yourself and your ignorance that you can, you can and you are able to do what ever with great pleasure that thought were impossible.
go beyond complaining
world is not perfect - we all know that. But at a certain level, which is called our life, we require that everything worked out exactly our way. We would appreciate that all the powers of the Universe sprzęgły work our success. When that happens, blame every random.
is easy to see what is happening is not as it should. It is easy to focus on the mistakes of others, because then we do not have to face their own. That is easy and you feel very important, thanks to such expression of opinion about the reality.
But complaining and shelling only negatives will not change anything.
On the other hand, we also tend to quite different treatment of reality. I mean the attitude: "It is not so bad." I have a job where the employees pushes, but it is not too bad, because in the end I have a job. My life partner does not show me respect, but it is not too bad, because solitude is not my participation - I have 'someone'. I am overweight, but not too bad, because I happen to look pretty sexy in some clothes.
What leads such an approach? For anything. I call it 'naïve optimism'. Its only effect is the apparent improvement in the mood, and reconcile themselves to their fate. Nothing will change in the situation, which we agree, and searching for positives in our situation it is we do. We agree that that be so and so. The same rule of thought is shared by, for example, those abused by relatives. They always attempt to draw good things in the torturers and justify it in all possible ways. Yes, the proverbial glass always be half full, but not necessarily protect against subsequent blows.
also grateful for just having a job does not make it will be us in this work to notice, appreciate, respect. Both
gripes, and 'naive optimism' are defenses against the great black cloud which enveloped the vast majority of our society, and called the 'powerlessness'. Both of these methods to the reality lead to one thing - the lack of action. Those who see the good side, will not do anything, because why, if it is good, and those who complain most often believe that complaining has already done enough.
Personally, I think 'naive optimism' is much perfidniejszym killer activity. First of all, why change something that is quite positive. Secondly, we are seeing positive people and positive Yet to appreciate what we have. Thirdly, we are well perceived by the public - so he / she is hard, and so / so brave .... 'Naive optimism' offers us the illusion only bad in the long run, internal conflict, because actually lie to ourselves. A job where no one respects me, can not think positively for a long time without falling into neurosis or similar 'altered states of emotionality'!
disgusting is our gripes may become a source of something positive, because only by addressing and acknowledging the entire horror of the situation, we can say, "more can not stand it!" and ... .. look for another job, another partner, lose weight. Complaining can not be our only action. Complaining to be a prelude to it. And only as such can have a raison d'etre. Want to complain? You're welcome. But the move also 'four letters' and change something!
So what to do? My personal strategy is to allow myself to rant, but only for some time. It's about accumulating negatives to such a level, when the unconscious level we decide that it no longer not anymore. Then we must say 'stop' complaining, or at least strongly reduce them, but we develop a strategy to change what I do not like. In short, we bring to the situation: DO YOU LIKE? CHANGE IT!
YOU STAND FOR MORE!
Each of us is unique. Each of us has his own unique talents and skills. The vast majority of us, except medically confirmed cases, there is no intellectual deficiencies that would have prevented us to achieve success in life. Everyone can afford it and everyone it deserves. So why so often make stupid decisions about our lives?
Before I answer, I would like for us to collectively do a little experiment. Imagine that you are standing on the edge of the cliff. Below you see the water, which is hidden treasure. All you have to do is jump and remove hidden in the depths of the box. For there is everything you want - it's such a magical box where you can find exactly what you wish for. All you have to do is jump. You know, is that you can swim (even though in reality it is not, in our vision can). You know the one hundred percent that this box is at the bottom of the cliff cove. They wrote about it in newspapers, said on television, you've seen reports of śmiałkach who have won it. What are you doing?
Probably in most cases simply and humanly afraid of. There is nothing wrong with that. But let your fear affect your decision?
Many people are met. Look around. It is they who sit around you on the ground. Some laugh and good fun, others picnic, and still others sit gloomy, and all without exception, from time to time look longingly down the cliff, on the glistening in the distance box full.
What will you do? Remain at the top or jump? Are you afraid that maybe the bottom are sharp rocks and a crash. Hey, but after all are the maps and satellite imagery. Take your laptop and check the area. You can gather information on the depths and underwater topography. Not sure if you can avoid the obstacles? Believe that the vision of fulfillment of dreams that will guide your body, that they miss.
Many people remain at the top of the cliff and never jumps. Some throw themselves into play. Loud music and alcohol effective hold back the nostalgia, but not for long. After some time, begin to health problems, will be increasingly difficult to function without chemical 'mood enhancers', a fun filled time without terrifying emptiness. This may seem attractive in the short term, but it really does not lead to anything.
Others look around and find the positives around - beautiful view, a convenient location, the green grass, nice prospect of seeing the world. You can grab it, hold onto and forget about the existence of 'magic boxes'. With time, however, smile pale and turn into a grimace. You can not deceive himself long. Always yearning wypełznie and most often the least expected or convenient time.
There are also those daredevils who choose to jump. Are they afraid of? For sure. They can, however, put the realization of dreams over the fear. They tear out from the crowd and soar. Some of them are pitch, in fact. It is you who chose to jump, although buried deep in the soul of doubt as to the success of the project. To jump to be successful, you need to approach with a clear heart and absolute faith. So learn a fairy tale. And so we should pursue their goals.
Would you like to jump? Would you like to fulfill their dreams? What's stopping you? What is sabotaging you? In which places itself in the way you become?
face it. Remove it from the road and .... jump.
You Can Do it!
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Joanna Mazur-Okalowe
This article is excerpted from website
www.Artelis.pl